WHO ARE YOU LISTENING TO ? DO YOU HAVE A NEGATIVE NARRATIVE ?

1 Samuel 16:7
“The LORD does not see as man sees… the LORD looks at the heart.”

Welcome back to Revelation for Transformation.
Today, I want to talk to you about how we speak to ourselves internally and how we allow others to speak to us or treat us.

All of us—at some point, or even right now—have thought of ourselves in ways rooted in fear, doubt, condemnation, defeat, or rejection. Maybe you’ve been, or currently are, in a relationship where you allow someone else’s thoughts or words to dictate your identity and direction.

Over the past year, God has been thoroughly working on my character—specifically my heart and my thoughts. Growing up, I didn’t have a stable home or a two-parent household. So from a young age, I began my journey from a place of confusion. That confusion led to self-doubt, and self-doubt creates an empty space where you start searching for clarity or reasons for why certain things happen.

Today, my goal is to remind you that no matter the circumstances or the thoughts you—or others—may have about you, those things do not define you.
What does matter is whose you are and what the Creator of heaven and earth says about you.

Most of my life, people told me I had to change how I thought or how I spoke. They said I was selfish, prideful, arrogant, rude, angry, short-tempered, aggressive, and not as smart as others—the list goes on.
So for me, I saw these things as a checklist of what I needed to fix. Some of them I already knew about and absolutely needed to change. Others I was completely unaware of. But for some reason—strange or not—it has always been hard for people to simply accept me for who I am.

Over the years, I tried over and over to change everything I didn’t like about myself and everything others said was ugly about me. And yes, some of it was ugly. But the truth is, there’s only so much changing a person can do on their own.

For the things others said about me—the things I was blind to or rejected—none of it truly hit me until one day a person literally ran away from me just because of the expression on my face. That moment made me question everything people had been saying about me.
I had to ask myself, “Why would someone move out of my way like I’m going to hurt them?”

And then it hit me:
The way I looked on the outside was reflecting how I felt on the inside.
And inside, I felt like I had the weight of the whole world on my shoulders since childhood.

That was one of the first days I started talking to God seriously about changing me—because I finally realized that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t truly change myself.

I also looked to others for alignment and guidance, but in that process I realized something:
People can look put-together in one area of their life, but be falling apart in another. I kept measuring myself against people I admired, only to eventually realize that they, too, fall short—because they are imperfect just like me.

And if someone constantly judges you for your mistakes and keeps holding your past against you, it’s usually because they haven’t learned to forgive—not themselves, and not others.

So after all the pain, heartache, attempts to change, failed expectations from others, and disappointment in myself, I finally realized something:

I need something constant—something perfect—to measure myself against.
And that, friends, is Jesus.

John 10:10
“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I came that they may have life…”

And in seeking Jesus Christ, I’ve learned to ask Him to change my heart, not just my actions—because the actions always flow from the heart. Your actions are simply a byproduct of your inner world: your heart and your thoughts.

I realized that if I allow it, I will never be “good enough” for myself, my spouse, the world, or anyone else. But I am enough for Christ, and He accepts me as I am. Yes, He requires change once you hand Him the keys to your life—but giving Him the keys doesn’t mean He instantly takes full control and makes you perfect overnight. It doesn’t mean all your problems and deficiencies disappear instantly.

For me, God uses many avenues to shape and transform me—His Word, the Holy Spirit, a song, my children, a hike in the mountains, hardship, or even my spouse. Through all these years of God working on me, I’ve learned the difference between condemnation and conviction that leads to transformation.

You see, the enemy works very hard to condemn you. Whether those condemning messages come from your own mind or from others around you, I want to help you identify the difference:

• Condemnation tears you down, shames you, and makes you feel hopeless.
• Conviction from the Holy Spirit lifts you, corrects you, and transforms you with love, truth, and encouragement.

One pushes you away from God; the other draws you closer to Him

Here are some of the things I’ve heard throughout my life:

“Hey, look at you trying to study and become smarter. Dude, you have a GED. You didn’t even finish high school. You really think you’re going to finish that?”

“Oh, you’re reading a book? You probably won’t finish it—just like you didn’t finish the last one.”

“Oh, here we go again. You want to train for a marathon? Bro, you’re so slow you can’t even run half a mile. You think you’re going to run 26.2? You’re a joke.”

“Here you go again, looking for a better job to create stability. That’s not going to happen, you dummy. Who in your family has ever created stability? I’ll tell you—no one. And it’s not going to start with you.”

“Look how you hurt that person. Look what you did to them. They’re never going to forgive you. You’re never going to change, so don’t even try. Just go have a shot of whiskey—at least that’ll make you feel better.”

“You did this to me, and you’ll never change.”

“Look how much you’ve changed… and guess what? It’s still not good enough.”

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Folks, let me tell you something:
It took me a long time to realize that whether these thoughts or words come from the enemy whispering in your mind, or from the mouths of people around you, they have one goal:

To keep you down.
To keep you oppressed.
To keep you depressed.
To keep you stuck.

They push you toward substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, shame, and self-hatred.
They imprison you mentally and emotionally.
They detour your life in the wrong direction—the direction of defeat, loss, procrastination, and stagnancy.

But none of those voices come from God.

Here is how I began to identify the voices that actually inspired real change:

One major way was through my kids—and specifically through the way I talked to them. I had to realize that yes, there are things that need to change, but how you present them can either inspire someone to change or push them to rebel against it.

Let me give an example.

Say my son’s chore is to clean the kitchen. I’ve explained the steps to him, even shown him how to do it. And he does it—but sometimes he falls short or misses something. I used to overlook all the good work he did do and focus only on the mistake or incomplete part.

But if I constantly point out his deficiencies, eventually he’s going to start believing he’s not good enough.
However…

If I celebrate his wins and encourage him—showing him that I have confidence in his ability—he will actually want to grow and change.

Here’s the difference:

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Condemnation

John 10:10
“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I came that they may have life…”

“Hey son, I’ve talked to you so many times about mopping the floor. It’s part of your chore, bud. Stop forgetting it and pay attention! I’m tired of repeating myself. You need to change this or you’re going to keep making these same mistakes your whole life and it’s going to affect you in a bad way.”

(Now, the message itself isn’t evil—but the delivery is not going to inspire him to change.)

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Encouragement

Romans 2:4
“God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.”

“Hey bud, thanks for doing your chore. You’ve been showing great discipline and dedication, and it looks better every time you do it. I’m proud of you.
I did notice that sometimes you forget to mop the floor, but I know you’re capable of doing it and I trust you’ll make that adjustment. Thanks, son.”

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You see, this approach shows him that:

• His effort is seen
• His work is appreciated
• His identity is not tied to mistakes
• My love for him is not based on performance
• I believe he is capable of improvement

That is empowerment.
That is encouragement.
That is conviction that leads to transformation, not condemnation.

So today, my goal was to help you start seeing yourself differently—through the lens and voice of God, not through your own negative thoughts or the voices of others who do not align with who He says you are.
I hope I’ve given you some tools to begin that process.

Remember:
You must allow God to transform you.
Ask Him to change your heart—and even the hearts of those around you.

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Action Steps

1. Pray, repent, and ask God to create a clean heart in you.

Ask Him to give you a soft, gentle, teachable heart like His.

2. Read your Bible. A paper one.

Let God speak to you through His Word so you can recognize His truth.
His truth will free you from the burden of trying to change yourself in your own strength.

3. Eliminate sin, toxic people, and anything that constantly condemns you.

Surround yourself with people who encourage you, uplift you, and inspire growth—not those who tear you down.

Prayer

Heavenly Father,
thank You for the revelation You brought today.
Many of us have walked through so much pain in our lives that we no longer believe the best about ourselves.
We carry the condemnation of others and speak it over ourselves.

Father, help me to see myself the way You see me.
Bring people into my life who will encourage me and inspire real, lasting change.
Help me identify the difference between condemnation and conviction,
and teach me to guard my heart from anything that is not from You.

Shift my focus to Your ways.
Help us become encouragers—people who speak life, truth, and hope.
Strengthen us, O God. We need You.
We don’t want to do this without You.

This we pray in the mighty name of Elohim.

Amen.